Awfully Beautiful

Exactly one month today was the beginning of an awfully beautiful journey. I think awful is an understatement to describe how I felt when I was laying in the hospital bed with no answers. It’s funny how much we think we are in control when we live our lives with a filled-up calendar and every day planned. When my husband and I would discuss plans for the future, such as how many kids we want and when we want them, I thought we were in control.

It doesn’t take much for your body to give, and when you hit a speed bump at full speed, there’s no doubt you’re slowing down. No matter how much damage is done.

Last month I was hospitalized, and after one emergency surgery and two blood transfusions, the doctors told me they found a mass in my cervix. We knew they needed to remove it but no one knew whether or not it was malignant. The next day, I was sitting in the doctor’s office signing my consent papers, agreeing to a full hysterectomy if the mass was not benign. Soon after, I was being sedated for surgery, not knowing what I would wake up to. Not knowing if I would ever be able to have children of my own. Not knowing if I would face chemotherapy on the other side of this. Not knowing… not in control.

9 months earlier… I married my best friend. We had the wedding of our dreams and the last year has been the best of my life. Here is a piece of what Rafael said to me in his wedding vows. Quote: “I give you my promise that from this day forward, you shall not walk alone. I will walk with you when life is good, and through every storm. May my heart be your shelter and my arms be your home.” I knew storms were coming our way, eventually. Fast forward 9 months, and we are laying in our bed talking about maybe never being able to have children of our own. I don’t think anyone is ever prepared for that conversation but when it came I knew I was not walking alone. I felt this storm drawing us closer and more united that ever. I also could feel the peace of God like never before. God was calming both our hearts.

Friday, I went into the surgery. Four hours later and a whole lot of prayer, I received the news that the mass was benign. I praise God not only because he spared my uterus, but because he gave me a strong husband full of faith. I know more storms will come, but it’s God who gives us the strength we could never imagine to have.  I feel blessed to have gone through this with such an amazing partner, who held my hand through all of it.

Rafael, I love you today more than ever before.

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5 thoughts on “Awfully Beautiful

  1. Los amamos Cristi, están siempre en nuestras oraciones , abrazos con mucho cariño, saludos a Rafa,

    Patty

    Enviado desde mi iPad

    > El Feb 3, 2014, a las 5:10 PM, “Cristina Elena Photography” escribió:
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  2. Christi, you don’t know how happy we are to hear from you! Thank God He has healed your womb! I had seen something on facebook a few weeks ago, and I prayed for you,, and saw your mom said you were going to be fine, and the operation went well. God is our amazing healer, and comforter, praise be to Him for delivering you out of this trial my sweet girl, God continue to bless you and keep you well, love Laura

  3. Bella, I love you so much. Your story gives me strength. I hope I can find someone as incredible as Raf and when the storms come I hope I can be just as strong and faithful.

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