Exactly one month today was the beginning of an awfully beautiful journey. I think awful is an understatement to describe how I felt when I was laying in the hospital bed with no answers. It’s funny how much we think we are in control when we live our lives with a filled-up calendar and every day planned. When my husband and I would discuss plans for the future, such as how many kids we want and when we want them, I thought we were in control.
It doesn’t take much for your body to give, and when you hit a speed bump at full speed, there’s no doubt you’re slowing down. No matter how much damage is done.
Last month I was hospitalized, and after one emergency surgery and two blood transfusions, the doctors told me they found a mass in my cervix. We knew they needed to remove it but no one knew whether or not it was malignant. The next day, I was sitting in the doctor’s office signing my consent papers, agreeing to a full hysterectomy if the mass was not benign. Soon after, I was being sedated for surgery, not knowing what I would wake up to. Not knowing if I would ever be able to have children of my own. Not knowing if I would face chemotherapy on the other side of this. Not knowing… not in control.
9 months earlier… I married my best friend. We had the wedding of our dreams and the last year has been the best of my life. Here is a piece of what Rafael said to me in his wedding vows. Quote: “I give you my promise that from this day forward, you shall not walk alone. I will walk with you when life is good, and through every storm. May my heart be your shelter and my arms be your home.” I knew storms were coming our way, eventually. Fast forward 9 months, and we are laying in our bed talking about maybe never being able to have children of our own. I don’t think anyone is ever prepared for that conversation but when it came I knew I was not walking alone. I felt this storm drawing us closer and more united that ever. I also could feel the peace of God like never before. God was calming both our hearts.
Friday, I went into the surgery. Four hours later and a whole lot of prayer, I received the news that the mass was benign. I praise God not only because he spared my uterus, but because he gave me a strong husband full of faith. I know more storms will come, but it’s God who gives us the strength we could never imagine to have. I feel blessed to have gone through this with such an amazing partner, who held my hand through all of it.
Rafael, I love you today more than ever before.